If you grew up with a parent or caregiver caught up in alcohol, drugs or another dependency, you may have spent years trying to work out why. Why couldn’t they stop? Why did the house revolve around one thing? Why did it feel as if you weren’t on their list?
I don’t think there is a nice and tidy answer, but I do think there are some ways of looking at it that make it easier to live with. I’ve written three short posts about them, and you can read them in any order.
A word before you start
Reading about your parent can bring up a lot, including anger, sadness and sometimes relief. You don’t have to feel sorry for them, and you don’t have to forgive anyone. Understanding them is only for you, so you can make a bit more sense of what happened. Go at whatever pace suits you.
Take it to your therapist
Whatever came up for you while reading this, it’s worth taking to your therapist. You don’t have to have it worked out. You can just say, “I’ve been wondering what was going on for my parent,” and see where the conversation goes. A therapist can help you look at these things at a pace that feels safe, and it is much easier to untangle them with someone beside you.
If you don’t have a therapist at the moment, please consider finding one. You deserve that kind of support, and there is no wrong time to start. Our Find Support page is a place to begin.
Do you remember your first breakup, or the first time you lost a pet? Breaking a bond is hard for everyone, including a parent caught up in a dependency. This post looks at what they may have been going through, and you don’t have to excuse any of it to understand it.