Discover the Elements of Healing from Family Trauma
Think of these blogs as a colourful buffet of ideas and stories. We’ve organised them to match the elements in the workbooks and they are also all at the bottom if you want to take pot-luck.
Just scroll through and pick whatever grabs your attention or speaks to you. Each one is a little treasure trove of insights on dependency and family life.
Happy exploring!
Not sure where to start? Try one of these options
If you grew up in a house where you couldn’t talk about what hurt, you may never have learned where your own limits are. Nobody lets you practise saying “that’s not okay” when you aren’t allowed to say anything at all. Learning to set boundaries as an adult often starts with using your voice.
Codependence shows up in five patterns: avoidance, control, compliance, obsession and denial. This article looks at avoidance. You may recognise yourself in one of the others, or in a mix, and each pattern calls for its own kind of support.
This blog discusses the unique impacts of growing up in a violent home, outlines different forms of violence, and highlights the lasting effects on emotional wellbeing and relationships.
The following blogs are grouped into elements to match the workbooks
Neutralising Hidden Family Rules
If you grew up with a parent caught up in alcohol, drugs or another dependency, you may have learned that it wasn’t safe to speak up. It kept the peace at home, and it can still shape how you connect with people and stand up for yourself. Using your voice is part of recovery.
If you grew up in a house where you couldn’t talk about what hurt, you may never have learned where your own limits are. Nobody lets you practise saying “that’s not okay” when you aren’t allowed to say anything at all. Learning to set boundaries as an adult often starts with using your voice.
Many people who have grown up in families affected by substance use or compulsive behaviours carry the hidden rule, “Don’t feel.” This unspoken message can lead to years of emotional suppression and disconnection. Read on to discover more about this.
When the adults around you kept changing what was true, not trusting anyone was the safest thing a child could do. That included trusting yourself. This post looks at where that rule came from and how it can change.
Embodied Roles in your life
In a family affected by alcohol, drugs or another dependency, most children find one way of behaving that keeps them safe, and they stick with it. Here is where those family roles come from, and why they can follow us into adulthood.
Always the funny one? If you learned young that making people laugh kept you safe, you may have been the Family Mascot.
Some children decide the best way to help is to be one less child to worry about. If that was you, you may have been the Lost Child. Being on your own kept you safe, and it also cost you something.
Some children hold a family together by getting everything right. If you were the Hero, you may have been so good at it that nobody noticed what it cost you. This post looks at the strengths and the weight that come with that role.
Dependency Demystified
While 'Big T' trauma often dominates, this guide explores the profound impact of 'little t' trauma—those subtle invalidations that accumulate in your life. Learn evidence-based approaches to identify these patterns, understand their neurobiological effects, and implement effective therapeutic interventions.
Explore how family dependencies shape your experiences and learn how to have compassion for yourself. This blog unpacks the role of bonding in dependency and highlights the importance of connection in recovery.
Origins of Co-dependence
Many people who grew up in families affected by addiction develop controlling behaviours as a way to create safety amid chaos. These patterns, while protective, can strain relationships and cause distress. Understanding the roots of these behaviours-and approaching them with compassion-is key to supporting lasting change.
Michael says his childhood was no big deal. He laughs it off and changes the subject. Looking away is how many of us got through, and it deserves some respect.
“It was no big deal.” Many of us learned to say that as children, and it helped. This post looks at why.
Sam will agree to almost anything to keep the peace, and it is costing her the people she is trying to keep close. If you learned young that people pleasing was the safest way to be, this post is for you.
Stephanie will give up her own children’s beds for a friend in need, and then wonder where she fits in. If you learned young that other people’s needs came first, this post is for you.
Motivation - What Drives You?
You can keep your values and still change how you measure them. Here is how a bad holiday showed me that.
For years I thought I was unhappy because something was wrong with what I cared about. It turned out my values were fine. It was what I expected, and how I measured it, that needed a second look.
Why was I so miserable on a perfectly good holiday? Finding out led me to a question I had never asked: where do my expectations come from?
Healing from Family Violence
This blog discusses the unique impacts of growing up in a violent home, outlines different forms of violence, and highlights the lasting effects on emotional wellbeing and relationships.
While 'Big T' trauma often dominates, this guide explores the profound impact of 'little t' trauma—those subtle invalidations that accumulate in your life. Learn evidence-based approaches to identify these patterns, understand their neurobiological effects, and implement effective therapeutic interventions.
When children experience violence, their developing brains adapt for survival, creating neural pathways that persist into adulthood. As an adult, we can leverage this same neuroplasticity to facilitate healing.
Family violence and dependency-related trauma requires specialised understanding and practical strategies. In this blog, we explore how early experiences in families affected by substance or process abuse shape adult relationships, emotional responses, and patterns of behaviour.
Here are all the reflections ungrouped, just dive in and see what catches you
Working with Co-dependency Avoidance Patterns
Michael says his childhood was no big deal. He laughs it off and changes the subject. Looking away is how many of us got through, and it deserves some respect.


In a family affected by alcohol, drugs or another dependency, most children find one way of behaving that keeps them safe, and they stick with it. Here is where those family roles come from, and why they can follow us into adulthood.