Exploring Your Clients’ Childhood Survival Strategies
Family Roles: Survival or Transformation?
Families are complex ecosystems where each member plays a unique part. In healthy families, children naturally explore different roles, sometimes the comedian, other times the caregiver. They're free to experiment, to grow, to change.
But in families where parents or caregivers struggle with substance or process dependencies, something fundamental shifts.
When Survival Becomes a Role
Children in families affected by dependency don't choose roles, they create survival strategies. Fear and shame become the architects of their behaviours. Each child develops a specific role so intense that what begins as a protective mechanism becomes a rigid identity.
These roles aren't just behaviours; they're survival scripts that follow clients into adulthood.
Understanding Your Clients' Origins
Many of your clients may have grown up as the Placater and Lost Child, constantly adjusting, making others comfortable, absorbing tension. They learned early that their safety depended on reading the emotional landscape and responding accordingly to their caregiver's dependency patterns.
The four main roles are below. Which one might resonate with your client's experience?
The Mascot
is the one who is cute and funny. They use humour to survive and are also very good at empathising with others and putting themselves in their shoes. Although they can be immature and a bit chaotic at times, people generally don't mind that. Confrontation terrifies them, therefore they will do anything to avoid it. These clients often struggle with boundaries and authentic self-expression in therapy. Find out more here
The Hero
has a very important job, to save the family. They have it all together and believe themselves to be special. At the same time, their deep feelings of inadequacy are well hidden. They feel that nothing they ever do is good enough, but their gift to the family was their pride in the client's achievements. These clients often present as high-functioning but struggle with perfectionism and self-worth. Click here for more
The Lost child
is the invisible one. Quiet. Withdrawn. Surviving by staying unnoticed. Avoiding conflict. Living in the shadows of family chaos. These clients can be the most challenging to engage initially, as invisibility became their primary survival mechanism. Find out how to work with these clients here
The Acting out one/scapegoat
is the rebel. The one who acted out. Drew attention away from family dysfunction by creating visible problems. Often misunderstood, deeply hurting. These clients may present with acting-out behaviours or dependencies of their own. Learn more about this here
Understanding these deeply embedded patterns
is crucial for effective therapeutic intervention. Embodied Patterns: The Four Roles in Families With Dependence provides comprehensive insights and practical tools for working with clients who carry these survival roles into adulthood, helping you facilitate their journey from survival to authentic living.